(And don't worry-- each of the kids made up a name for themselves. None of the names are their real names.)
Dear Oh. Z. Osborne,
I saw your blog and found out you have an interest in aliens and wizards, so I wrote a middle grade novel called THE NEW NEIGHBORS. I think you'll like it. I know I do.
Wizard is living the life most sorcerers do, with one exception.... THE NEW NEIGHBORS. The new neighbors moved into the volcano next door. At first he didn't think that anything was wrong with them, until he went over to welcome them to the town. When he was done welcoming them, he had suspicions that his welcome was to the planet-- not the town! Were they brain eating aliens? Have they come to take over the world? Find out in my new middle grade novel, THE NEW NEIGHBORS.
I have read many wizard books, such as HARRY POTTER and FABLEHAVEN. I also have a degree in sorcery, so I am a wizard. Thank you so much for your time.
los macho amigo
Dear Mr. McNutt,
I've heard that you liked stories that have animals take over. I think you might be interested in my middle grade realistic fiction TRAPPED, complete at 200 pages.
Obama and family are camping on the desert island of Velk-A-Bomba, and they got dropped off with no way to leave for five days. When a team of highly organized raccoons threaten to steal all of their food, Obama and family must make a plan to outwit the raccoons or starve.
I am a highly qualified writer. I have a PHD in writing. I'm president of the High Society Book Club, and for the last eighteen months, I've been stranded on an island with no food or water except the ocean. I invite you to look a little closer into my book. Thank you for your time.
Dear Mr. Beus,
I read in a magazine that you like stories about the future. So I think you would be interested in my middle grade novel, THE DISASTER, complete at 250 pages.
My book is about a 15 year old boy named Zach. Zach lives in an army camp, and they get attacked by villains from Uple. One of the villains, a shape shifter, gets in to the base where Zack is using a laser to shoot down the villains in their flying saucers. But the shape shifter gets a hold of the gun and aims it at earth instead.
I have a major in college for Inventions and the Future from U of U. I also have a minor writing degree from BYU. If you would like to read my book, let me know. Thank you for your time, and have a good day.
Dear Mrs. Hancock,I heard that you like monkeys. My book is a mystery / adventure, called THE KILLER FORTUNE. This book has 350 pages, and is also middle grade.The main character is Monaca. She is a half flying monkey and half human, and lives in the desert. She finds a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. They give her a fortune cookie, then a minute later, the fortune comes true. Now she goes there every day, but today was different. She got this one fortune that said You will be hunted. Now can she escape, or will she be hunted?I am an expert on monkeys and the desert and fortune cookies. I study them so I know I am an expert. So if you are interested, give me a call. Thank you for your time.Ginger Faultwww.monkeys.com
Moral of the post: If you're having troubles writing your query letter, look into hiring one of the kids at your local elementary school. They're geniuses.
*credit: By Everaldo Coelho and YellowIcon [LGPL], via Wikimedia Commons